Tale of Two Cities the wacked version
by Nightcrawlers Mutant
Summary: posted especially for Mr. Boyd Can't sunderstand this book? Have we got the greatest cliff notes for you


Dedicated to the wonderful Mr. Boyd ^_____^ Ruler of all things literate. Be nice to him or he will kill you, cut off your head, and staple it to his wall so he can always remember how he beat you ^_^ Also dedicated to anyone who is fed up with reading Dicken's old English novels  
  
Yeah  
  
Disclaimer: Dicken's is dead, but I'm pretty sure if he were still alive he would sue our tails off for writing this fic ^_^  
  
Anyway.  
  
On to the fic  
  
Like you really want to read it  
  
*~ Written by Katie, Kelsey, and Mel for no known reason at all ~*  
  
And also, while reading this, please refrain from thinking about Marilyn Manson running around in a superman outfit. It'll ruin the mood. Anyway. Enjoy! ^_^  
  
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It was the best of times sometimes, and occasionally the times were pretty crappy. It was the age of being smart, it was the age of being rather stupid. It was light and dark at the same time. Which made telling night from day exceedingly difficult. It was also spring and winter at the same time too. And a whole bunch of other contradicting stuff that doesn't make sense.  
  
There was a king and queen in England, and a king and queen in France, yada yada yada...  
  
Um, some guy named Tom and some guy named Jim along with some other dude named Lorry - Ha! What a stupid name. Bet he gets made fun of alot. Anyway, they were driving along in their wopping four-horse powered carraige when a guy riding a five-horse-powered horse caught up to them and he like wanted to see Mr. Lorry? I don't know why. I'm too lazy to sit down and decifer this chapter. Also there were a bunch of other people named Jerry and a guard, and where the hell did they pop up from? The moat? Yeah, they were by a castle, I suppose. No, let's put them in a bar, just for fun. Yeah. Cheers how bout! With Rhea Pearlman and Ted Danson and Woody Harlson tending the bar ^___^ Everybody knows your name there ^_^  
  
Ok, who cares about this scene? Nobody understands it or frankly even cares, so... let's move on shall we? Let's leave them in the bar though. They'll have fun ^_^  
  
Moving right along...  
  
A WONDERFUL FACT to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other.  
  
Yeah, it'd be a nice fact to reflect upon if anybody KNEW WHAT IT MEANT. Did people really talk like this back then?  
  
Anyway...  
  
Do you think I say anyway too much? Cause I think I do.  
  
Where should we go from here?  
  
Wanna go back to the bar?  
  
Naw, let's move on.  
  
Well, SOMEBODY *shoots a glare at kelsey* was supposed to post this chapter in their journal so that mel could easly copy, paste, fix whatever needed to be fixed, and post it on fanfiction.net, but noooooooo, and Mel had no idea what to put for the first chapter as she didn't even bring her book home, so, since I wanted to leave the house and get the new X-men movie (long story), I absolutely HAD to post this today, so...here's winging it ^_^  
  
Take Mr. Lorry out of the bar. Indeed, forget about it for now. Now he's in some sort of hotel room. Yeah, a Holiday Inn. Express ^_^ Anyway, here, Mr. Lorry and some other room service dude were talking about random boring things, like an English house, and a French house, and who won the Mets/Yankees game, who the winner on the Batchelor's gonna be, who's hotter, Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom, etc. Then Lorry mentions about waiting for a woman who should be looking for him.  
  
oOoOoOoOo, Mr. Lorry's waiting for a young lady in a hotel room? Mr. Lorry! For shame! In a Holiday Inn?!  
  
...oh, he just wanted to *talk* to her? ...Riiiiiiight ;)  
  
*cough* Anyway...  
  
There I go again with the anyways  
  
Anyway  
  
That Lorry dude went for a walk while waiting for the *young lady*, and then she finally came, and they went back to his hotel room (Get your minds out of the gutters!) Um...okay...wait, no, they didn't go back to the hotel room, I assume, from what I can get out of this mismash of hard-to- understand English, that Miss Manet was only picking him up from the inn. That's good, cause Holiday Inn expresses are pretty crappy. They don't even have the little fun pack things for the kids like the regular Holiday Inns do. So they get into her carraige, and she takes him to her apartment.  
  
Oh, so they're going to *her* place instead, eh?  
  
And then Lucie, as that was her name, takes him into her house, and she's all like "Oh, do sit down."  
  
And so Lorry sits down. And she told him like how she wanted to go to the bank or something, and Lorry, who wasn't listing to her really cause he was too busy watching the negro cupids walking around, was just nodding and grunting a yeah every-so-often, and then he said that he was happy, and Lucie said good.  
  
Oh my God, this is a lost cause ^^;; Kelsey is SO writing the next chapter cause Mel has other fics that she needs to be working on before all her readers turn violent and send her to the guilloteins....^^;; Erm...yeah...  
  
So Lucie's like "Mr. Lorry! You hardly know me!"  
  
and Mr. Lorry's like "Aw, don't I?" And he opens his arms wide and cocks his eyebrows suggestively.  
  
But then Marilyn Manson flies in through the window in his superman outfit, and he tells Mr. Lorry to stop flirting and get back to business, and so Mr. Lorry HAD to listen to Marilyn Manson cause he's like...Marilyn Manson, so he stopped flirting.  
  
And then Lucie proceeded in telling him about her fieoncee, and how he was a hot sexy yummy stud-muffin beef cake with chocolate, and how he was a doctor and everything.  
  
And while she's doing this, Mr. Lorry takes off his wig and readjusts it, cause apparently it's not flat enough for him or something. Yeah. But Lucie's fioncee doesn't wear a wig. At least I don't think so. Cause hot sexy yummy stud-muffin beef cakes with chocolate don't usually wear wigs, right?  
  
But anyway,  
  
so Mr. Lorry was like "Oh, so you think you're hot stuff just cause you have a fieoncee, eh?"  
  
And Lucie was all "Damn straight."  
  
And Lorry's like "Is he hot?"  
  
And Lucie snorts and she's like "Damn straight!"  
  
And poor Mr. Lorry feels left out, so he just says "Oh' and leaves it as that.  
  
And then they talked about ghosts and haunted houses and stuff, and yeah, the rest is boring, so  
  
Moving on ^_^ back to cheers shall we?  
  
Sometimes ya gotta go, where everybody knows your name! And they're always glad you came!  
  
*cough* Enough of that...  
  
Anyway, then we meet two more characters, this one Sydney Carton guy who's kind of a drunkard. He's like Norm Peterson! ^__^ Except not so fat. He can be Cliff then. Except he's not a mail man, as far as I know, and he doesn't go around telling people old Jeopardy questions, and I don't think he has a Boston accent. Well, let's give him one anyway, just to make it interesting ^____^  
  
And the other guy is this guy named Stryver or something like that? I don't remember, and like I mentioned before, I didn't bring my book home ^^; But anyway, he's big and fat, and he has this big ego, kinda like that Zack guy off Average Joe. And he's a lion. Grr! And also, if you look into his mouth, you'll see that his digestional tract is a snake, and it's digesting France (or was it England) along with all his imported chocolate. Yeah, this guy was a chocoholic  
  
He must have had a lot of zits then. I bet he used a bunch of Proactive and Oxyclean. No, wait, Oxyclean's a cleaner, isn't it? I meant Oxygen. Whatever. Just know that this guy is a fat, egotistical chocoholic.  
  
Um...yeah ^_^ And that's the first five chapters. Sorry it sucks Kelsey, but I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.  
  
I bet Mr. Boyd's afraid of us now ;)  
  
or me at least.  
  
Watch, tommorrow Kelsey and Katie will be like "We didn't tell Mel to write that! We wanted something totally different!" And have him just be afraid of me.  
  
Well, that's all I have to say. Wow, that was the stupidest, most random thing I have ever written in under an hour. But Kelsey said I couldn't leave the house until I had this written and posted, and I so wanted to get my X-Men United movie, so...yeah...  
  
So go home now. Oh, you are home? Then go to that place where everybody knows your name and they're always glad you came.  
  
And for those of you who were wondering or even care, no, I was not watching Cheers while writing this. I don't know where all this Cheers stuff came from. But I do love that show though ^_____^ Uh, anyway...I'm gonna shut up now...Have a Green Day! ^_^ 


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